And the Answer is… To Give Up!
It’s been a blissful first six months, so here’s the answer folks: give up! I know, it sounds pessimistic, but listen, there’s more… How many people have you known that tell you that it was when they gave up they finally found ‘The One’? I know that when I was done looking for the guy who met all my criteria, who would sweep me off my feet and who would give me that butterfly feeling whenever he walked into a room was the same time I walked right into him. I stopped playing with expectations, mine or his, and I’ve found a peace in leaving the game behind for something that feels more profound. A something that feels like the love that people describe in really good books and the best kind of movies.
Now to explain what I mean about giving up, and maybe more specifically the kinds of things we need to give up to enter the next stage of the dating world.
- Give up the need to be perfect.
It’s been said many times and in many ways that we are our own worst critic. We look in the mirror and forget that we’re people, just like anyone else. Oftentimes this leads to putting out a picture that isn’t really who we are. It’s so much easier to hide behind that wall, and just to peek out occasionally to see what everyone else expects of you. If you spend too much time focused on what a guy or girl, any guy or any girl, or even a specific guy or specific girl wants, you might not be yourself in the relationship. At the end of the day it’s about being able to be yourself, so why put up a front to start any relationship with?
Now being yourself and baring your soul are very different things, just to be clear. When you are yourself you don’t have to give new life to your past tragedies or even victories. More naturally, remind yourself that you’re looking to meet someone in whose company you won’t be worried to discuss or do the things you enjoy. The things that bring you passion don’t necessarily have to match up, but at least you’ll have something valuable to learn about each other that could lead to more.
Giving up the facade for me meant that I could look at myself as a person. That my needs were as important as the expectations of other people. That at the end of the day what I’m satisfied with isn’t some picture of some perfect thing somewhere unreachable, but instead it is the treasured experiences I’ve already had and the wonderful life I’m always looking forward to leading. When I met Tim, the very first night, the fact that I wasn’t afraid to talk about myself and my life so openly, that I had a great grasp on what I needed from life and wasn’t afraid to acknowledge and in some cases ask for it was what initially drew us closer together. I’m happier for being myself, and for knowing that the person Tim is falling for is the person I am putting out there.
Next time on the dating diaries… we’ll talk about giving up unnecessary expectations.
By Sona Sanghvi